125352

Joke of the Day

"Friend and I have been playing a new drinking game. We drink every time we need to mask the pain."

"Ladies, if Men had PMS they'd get into fist fights, defraud partners, start wars, abuse women, stop paying child support..HEY-wait a minute!"

"What is a double-wide salad? It's a salad for people who can't afford a house salad"

"Did you hear about the riot at the bar mitzvah reception? There were mazel tov cocktails everywhere!"

"A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says ""Hey we don't serve your kind here."" The mushroom replies. ""Why not, I'm a fungi"""

"[At the coroners' to identify a body] Me: ""Yep. That's a body all right."""

"the elevator business is great It has its ups and downs"

"[battle] ME: It's no good. We gotta quit SARGE: Quit? I don't know the meaning of the word M: It means give up S: Oh cool. Lets do that"

"You're lifting weights dude, you're not in labor. Settle down."

"Having persuaded autocorrect that I don't want to duck anything, I hope the council don't take my complaint about the pond the wrong way."