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Joke of the Day

"Just put my phone on airline mode. That's when it delays your texts for no reason & acts like it's doing you a favor when it does send them."

"What's black and white and red all over? Niggers getting the fuck beat out of them by cops"

"Why is Easter like whipped cream and a cherry? Because it's always on a sundae!"

"SUPER FUNNY NSA JOKE!!! [deleted]"

"I told a newcomer in prison that the other inmates were heavily interested in astronomy. When asked what I meant, I said, ""They are particularly interested in Uranus, so you don't want to moon them."""

"My girlfriend says I treat her like an object. I don't know why it keeps saying that."

"It's called Taco Bell because Alexander Graham Bell also invented the taco."

"A penny for your thoughts, Five bucks if they're naughty."

"[in ambulance] ""Can you describe the snake that bit you?"" Yes it was like an angry rope"

"My wife said to me that she wished I wouldn't drop the F-bomb in front of the kids. What the fuck is the F-bomb?"