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Joke of the Day

"A tiny bucket asks to leave work early because he's sick His boss looks him over. Alright you can, i notice you are a little pail."

"Named my band Scheduled for Demolition so whenever it appears on a marquee, confused people write angry letters to the city council."

"[1st day in Senate] Me: I'm against genetic engineering Scientist: We've developed kids w/ volume knobs Me: How much funding do you need"

"I told my girlfriend that brown rice was just white rice with a criminal record... ...she called me a riceist"

"What's the difference between Jesus and a hooker? Jesus wants to get fucked for free."

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I have never wanted to have a garbanzo bean in my mouth."

"[restaurant] *motions for waiter* Waiter! Bill please! *Bill comes out & dances embarrassingly to entertain me & the guests* Thanks Bill!"

"How do you get a homosexual man to have sex with a woman? Shit in her cunt"

"I've always wanted to rewrite history but couldn't decide on the font.."

"What do you call a guy who likes telling ""dad jokes""? A ""groan"" man..."