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Joke of the Day

"""What if I took the dumbest person I know, got them severely drunk, and challenged them to finish my sentences?"" -- inventor of Autocorrect"

"What's under the Pillsbury Doughboy's apron? Doughnuts"

"*wife grabs my wrist as I go overboard* Her: You're... slipping... Me: Pretend I'm the covers. *she easily pulls me to safety with one arm*"

"What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? It is really easy to roast beef."

"What did German kids get for Christmas during th holocaust? Easy Bake Ovens"

"ME: need help? GIRL (having car trouble): could u give me a jump ME: *inflating the bounce house I keep in my trunk* I thought u'd never ask"

"Why do black people always have nightmares? Because we shot the last one that had a dream."

"My dog keeps whimpering at her empty food bowl. So I put her in another room. I'm not sure what that bowl did to her, but it's obvious it upset her."

"""Mr. President, you have some Updog in east Syria."" ""What's Updog?"" ""[unfurls projector screen] Updog is a military terrorist organizati"

"Yo mama is so fat... Yo mama is so fat She needs three extra syllables To fit in a haiku"