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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much... What a stupid thing to Fallout 4."

"How many wrinkles does an asshole have? Smile and ill start counting"

"I party until the taxi with the pretty red and blue lights picks me up."

"Honey, I let myself go and gained all this weight to prevent other men from hitting on me. You think I want to look like this? I do this for you."

"I finally found a girlfriend and when I did I got really pumped. Sadly after a year in the storage she needed a lot of pumping as well."

"Are you a rollercoaster? *motions hands to be about a foot long* cuz im this tall to ride"

"First guy to invent a bread bowl was like ""I'm gonna rip the top of this muffin & pour soup in it"""

"I'm thinking about becoming a devil worshipper Just for the hell of it"

"What do you call a dragon that can't sit still? A wiggle wyrm."

"The other day I saw two squirrels making noises at each other as if they were arguing. You could say they were squarreling."