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Joke of the Day

"Anyone who says ""on his person"" rather than ""on him"" is not only pretentious, but obviously doesn't think in 140 characters."

"If ""bae"" means bacon and eggs then yes, I'm chilling with my bae"

"""I'm getting sick of eating airline food all the time."" Said the Malaysian shark."

"Why did the mean teacher walk around with her purse open? She'd read there was going to be some change in the weather."

"If we can't hit our kids, what's next? A society slowly becoming less violent as we learn more about child development and human psychology?"

"I call my weed the Quran... because every time I burn it I get stoned."

"I don't know why everyone looks so stressed. I tweet and drive all the time. Oh...must be the beer."

"What do you call a gay man in his house by himself? homolone"

"Why is God happy? Because every women call his name during sex."

"Reading a Chinese newspaper is like looking at 1,000 douchebag tattoos at once."