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Joke of the Day

"Worst things the parents do in Home Alone: 3. Never punish Buzz 2. Forget one of their kids 1. Try to make everyone drink milk with pizza"

"Want the secret to success? Want 2x the energy without having to diet? Want to add 20 years to your life? Want less shoulder hair? Me too."

"Did you know ""orange"" is the same word in both French & English? Why didn't they do that with every word and make it easier on everyone?"

"What's common between a crying baby and a gun? You must not bring either to the movies."

"What did the flight attendant say to the vulture who dragged two dead raccoons onto the flight? I'm sorry sir, but you're only allowed one carrion"

"Ever hear of Henry, Santa's brown nosed reindeer? He is just as fast as Rodolph but couldn't stop as quickly."

"English joke - What's another name for Santa's elves? Subordinate Clauses"

"What do you call a good looking Spanish/Jewish guy? Flacowitz"

"Little Jack Warner Sat in the corner A finger in every pie. He stuck in his thumb And pulled out a bung And said ""Lets all go to Dubai!"""

"GF: just FYI, my dad teaches at the Naval Academy [meeting her parents] ME: [lifting up shirt] does my belly button look weird to you?"