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Joke of the Day

"How do you know if a girl is dating a vampire? They only wanna go down on her once a month"

"hey boy ;) is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see m- oh, it is a gu- yes i will open the cash register"

"I made a company that disguises land mines as prayer mats... Prophets are through the roof"

"Received a call from a recruitment consultant. She said to me: ""Sir I have two openings for you...!"" I replied : Yes. I know .There was a long silence and then she hung up."

"I've never played Jenga, but I have had to extricate myself from a sleeping toddler in my bed, so I think I could handle it."

"Man and a duck... ...walk into a bar. ""ouch"" ""quack"""

"I am never more aware that I don't have boobs than when I'm paying for my own drink."

"As someone who didn't win a lot of awards, I enjoyed going to the dentist it was one of the few times I was recognized by plaque"

"Ladies... don't jump to conclusions that your boyfriend is cheating just because he never wants you to look at his phone. It's probably just full of porn"

"Q: What is the first thing off the truck at a trailer fire? A: Lawn chair."