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Joke of the Day

"How do you piss off Liquor store shoplifters and Redditors? CAP LOCKS."

"What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!"

"Dana White has his cock so far up Joe Rogan's ass When he farts it stutters credit /u/Blackirishman"

"My New Years resolution would have been to stop procrastinating so much Except I never got around to writing that one down..."

"Does anyone else love thick sandwiches with three slices of bread and two layers of filling? We should make a club."

"What do Japanese men do when they have an erection? Vote."

"My friend told me he hasn't pooped in over a month, but I'm not sure I believe him... ...either way he's full of shit."

"I always wink at the local Funeral Director, because he will be the last one to see me naked, and I don't want it to be awkward."

"People usually say I make bad jokes. I tell them I'm not their parents."

"Did you hear about the plastic surgeon that hung himself?"