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Joke of the Day

"What's common between a lawyer and an eccentric billionaire with bad teeth? Both have a very expensive retainer."

"[pharmacy] ""Can I help you?"" Yeah, could you recommend anything over the counter for this? *lifts shirt to reveal 7 fresh gunshot wounds*"

"Wedding At a wedding, the pastor asked all the married men in the crowd to put their arm over the person who makes their life worth living. The bartender was crushed to death."

"Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. Im too lazy to do either."

"My sister's zodiac sign was cancer, which is really ironic to how she died She got squashed by a giant fucking crab"

"Give a man a jacket and he'll be warm for a day......teach a man to jacket he'll never leave the house"

"What is the difference between a call center job and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four."

"What are a Corporation's Favourite Letters? Capital I's"

"If someone is spitting behind you, it means you're in front."

"I got this gem from a 6-year-old ...seriously, I need to get rid of it fast, the law really frowns on stealing from children."