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Joke of the Day

"I say I want a gf but I don't even know what I'd do with one. Do you just kiss her and leave her alone in a corner? How often does it eat?"

"We crush olives for olive oil, we crush walnuts for walnut oil and we crush sunflower seeds for sunflower oil So how do we make baby oil?"

"A Texan says to a Harvard student... Texan: where are ya from? Harvard Student: well, where *i'm* from, we don't end sentences with prepositions. Texan: oh, alright. where are ya from, jackass?"

"What's the similarities between Las Vegas and Manchester? You can pay for the prostitutes using chips"

"Did you hear about the guy... [nsfw?] Did you hear about the guy with three penises? His pants fit him like a glove."

"Q. What is the difference between a fish and a piano? A. You can't tuna fish."

"I'm not a fan of anal sex with the deceased any more. In fact I only did it once in a blue moon."

"Baby are you an angler fish? Because I'm super into you."

"If your bathroom sink looks like mine, you're disgusting and I'm a hypocrite."

"Nothing makes me second-guess my language like a little voice chirping, ""Mommy, I found your freaking measuring spoons."""