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Joke of the Day

"DID YOU KNOW? If you sleep on your side every night, your face eventually slides around your head like on a flounder."

"A blind girl was giving me a handjob last night..... and said ""this is the biggest cock I've ever felt in my hand."" I said ""Nah you're just pulling my leg."""

"Hillary Clinton logs onto her email server [deleted]"

"Did you guys see that post about ISIS and Taliban announcing jihad against each other? It really blew up"

"I always wanted to be a plumber when I grew up but in the end it was just a pipe dream."

"My 4yo just noticed me trying to throw out an old, wrecked piece of Lego & by the look he gave me I'm afraid to go to sleep now."

"Knock Knock. *Who's There?* A Kid! *A Kid Who?* A kid who cant reach the doorbell."

"I'm actually kind of handsome when you're drunk and the light is low and there's no other dudes around and you have low standards."

"""Can we talk later? The news is on... Well, if you have tuberculosis it's not gonna get any worse in the next 30 minutes, jesus."""

"Why did the calendar give up on life? Because he felt his days were numbered."