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Joke of the Day
"You heard the rumour going around about butter? Never mind. I shouldn't spread it."
Next Joke
"""Grandma why don't you drink tea anymore?"" ""I don't like it ever since that tea bag got stuck in my throat."""
"I fell asleep in the shower last night I guess you could say I had a few wet dreams"
"*doesn't look up from phone* I do"
"Jared Fogle's updated diet writes itself a Subway sandwich for breakfast, a Subway sandwich for lunch, and FUCKIN' CRAZY ASS 14 YEAR OLD COKE WHORES TILL DAWN!"
"I used to date an anaesthetist... She was a local girl. [credit to seeing this on QI]"
"What's a poops favorite color? Turdquoise"
"If it takes 150 yards of stewed tripe to make a pair of leather britches for a bull, how long does it take for a double breasted cockroach to climb a bar of soft soap? You tell me and we'll both know."
"What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards? A receding hare line."
"Home Alone is my favorite movie about the inevitable homicidal tendencies that come from prolonged neglect."