123865

Joke of the Day

"We have a young married couple in the neighborhood who are truly inseparable. Last week it took four Howard County Policemen and a dog."

"You know when you find the BEST hiding place ever to keep something safe and it's so good you forget where it was? That's me and passwords."

"The light above my desk is going out. I feel like I've been at a really boring rave for the last 7 hours."

"The good news is that there is baseball in heaven... The bad news is that you're pitching on Friday."

"[texting] Wife: Clean out your bowels. Me: OK. Wife: *bowls. The ones in the sink Me: *chugging laxatives* Damn it."

"How does a hamster propose to his girlfriend? With a hamst-ring! I'm sorry."

"I wonder if Sallys parents were like ""Yeah great idea Sally. Sell seashells. On the seashore. Where there are tons of free shells. Idiot."""

"*Takes gift wrapping paper to the counter* Her: Did you want to buy that? Me: No, I just wanted to hold it for a while."

"When someone says ""excuse me while I slip into something more comfortable"", how long are they usually gone? Two days seems like a long time."

"I didn't like my new haircut But then it grew on me"