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Joke of the Day

"A proctologist quit his job.. He was tired of being the butt of the joke."

"How do Harry Potter fans flirt? Hey baby, mind if I *Slytherin* ? ;)"

"The door to door bible people just skipped my house! See, all it takes is trying to kiss the guy and he wont be back (until 3am)"

"Why didn't they use Black Phosphorous? It doesn't work."

"1)sit in toddler seat of a shopping cart. 2)tip over til feet touch the ground. 3)stand up. you're now a grocery turtle. no one can stop you"

"Why did they have to call Aquaman Aquaman Because they couldn't call him Seaman"

"I keep getting told I'm a terrible mailman.. Oops I've posted this in the wrong place"

"Her: Are you getting off early today? Me: THAT HAPPENED ONE TIME!"

"7yo: I HAVE A LOOSE TOOTH! Me: The Tooth Fairy doesn't want you messing with it until payd...Friday."

"Obviously I've considered doing porn since I have this huge... butthole."