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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the guru who refused to let the dentist use Novocain to numb his mouth? The guru said he wanted to transcend dental medication"

"What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 minutes."

"Girl, I like you so much, I might even let you hold my phone....some day, while its locked"

"After the Titanic sank, rich people got their revenge by spending the last hundred years melting all the icebergs."

"[mom ridiculing me in front of new GF] ""Luke was afraid to go into family changing rooms until 22 because he thought he'd get a new family"""

"Every frozen yogurt store feels like you're hanging out inside a Japanese girl's backpack."

"There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down he sneered at me, and I thought ""Well that was a little condescending."""

"Two black guys are playing a game. One of them jumps off a cliff and the other shoots himself. Who won? The government for having to pay welfare for two less people."

"What do you call a pile of kittens? a meowtain!"

"its adam and eve not woody and buzz, if you want a real toy story read the bible"