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Joke of the Day

"Just received an email listing 5 ways to prevent divorce. 'Don't get married' wasn't on there. Or 'murder.' Stupid list."

"Jesus: I HAVE RETURNED [wife & I arguing about who used the last paper towel or some other shit] Jesus: OK I'MMA COME BACK LATER"

"I like my women like I like my beer. . . . . . cold, pale and without a head."

"Am I supposed to know my own blood type? I don't even know what types of blood there are"

"I'm pretty sure they weren't talking about stupid when they told you, ""If you got it flaunt it."""

"I told everyone at the party how much I love MC Escher and I got some weird stairs"

"Wife:What is 10 years with me? Wife:What is 10 years with me? Husband:A second. Wife:What is $1000 for me? Husband:A coin. Wife: Ok give me a coin. Husband:Wait a second"

"What does suicide and marriage have in common? (This one needs work...) Permanent solution to temporary problem."

"My cat cares about me. LOLZ that's the joke."

"You know how most packages say ""Open here"". What is the protocol if the package says ""Open somewhere else""?"