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Joke of the Day

"Me: *in bed with dogs* *car drives down street* Dogs: HOW DARE YOU MAKE A NOISE WHILE OUR HUMAN IS SLEEPING, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?"

"If you're ever interested in having a near death experience just tell a girl she's not hot enough to be that crazy."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? He knew he'd be remembered for it."

"I got a job as a bounty hunter in China. Couldn't believe my luck, every time they put a new wanted poster up, the guy they were after was standing right next to me!"

"Mom asked me if I would pick up some things for her at the 'Dime Store', great, now I've got to go all the way to the 70s."

"YOU WANNA PIECE OF THIS!?!?! ~me, aggressively handing out cake"

"Sometimes a tough situation is best described... As being between Iraq and hard place."

"Why do Canadians call alcohol anonymous triple A? AA, Eh"

"What kind of mane does a Chinese lion have? Lo mein."

"Drunk is when you feel sophisticated but can't pronounce it."