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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes a tough situation is best described... As being between Iraq and hard place."

"I'm going to name my first kid Authorized Personnel so they can go wherever they want in life."

"So if Mary had Jesus, and Jesus was the Lamb of God... ... Does that mean Mary had a little lamb?"

"What do you call a chicken takeover of the government? A coop."

"I've been having a bad feeling lately.. I think one of my dads might be gay."

"My packing technique for jams is amazingly effective; cram equipment in case, sit on case, break case, swear at case, buy new case, repeat."

"What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, the others a little lighter."

"ME: do dogs think we have three mouths because we pick stuff up with our hands? VET: where exactly is your dog ME: he's uh coming later"

"Don't you hate it when your girlfriend asks you to go deeper and you ran out of poems?"

"What's the most electronegative state? Fluorida!"