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Joke of the Day

"I wanna stand next to a bum with my own sign that says ""my hair has no volume today & I can't find the microfiber cloth for my $160 Oakleys"""

"""Dude, you're getting a Dell!"" - Me pulling my spoiled unruly son out of the Apple Store"

"What do you call a Asian born in Canada Ehsian"

"Turns out indoor stone throwing is a mistake no matter what your house is made of."

"Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds? Because most men are stupid, but few are blind."

"Statistically 60% of people use their mobile phone to cheat on their partners. Personally I prefer to use my pen!s."

"There were zwei peanuts walking down the strae... ... and one was a salted... peanut."

"I can't believe it's Christmas eve eve eve and they're making me work."

"Guy behind me in line at the gas station was standing close enough to reenact the pottery scene from ghost."

"What did the Hawaiian Jihadist say? Aloha Akbar."