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Joke of the Day

"A woman is at her father's deathbed She hasn't seen him in years and now they only have a few moments left. ""Dad, I'm sorry,"" she whispers. ""Goodbye, Sorry,"" he says, ""I'm *dead*."""

"How do Asians see the world? In widescreen."

"What do Alicia Keys, Katniss Everdeen, and Joan of Arc all have in common? They're all girls on fire."

"I regret having to say this, but it's the cold, hard truth. Never put a PayDay bar in the refridgerator. Damn thing is impossible to eat now."

"Kessel Run With his latest crash, Harrison Ford has become the first pilot to complete the Kessel Run in 12 over Par-secs."

"I'm sick of having to pick up women's jaws after I walk into rooms."

"Why was the cannibal looking peeky? Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!"

"Just realized I follow Barack Obama and he follows me back. Excuse me while I send the leader of the free world a DM about Harry Potter."

"What's the difference between training wheels and training bras? I need two hands to remove training wheels."

"Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a nit Will you get out of my hair!"