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Joke of the Day

"Took nephew out for lunch. The waitress asked what he'd like. After a stunned silence, I explained 'quiche' was not pronounced 'quickie'."

"Where do American bees store their honey? In a USBee hive. ~Thank my ten year old for that one."

"I meant to take Tylenol PM, but I accidentally took Tylenol PMS I just think it's funny how you guys only care about me when you want upvotes. Whatever. I'm fine."

"What starts with ""c"" and ends with ""unt"" cunt."

"You know you're single when the only calls you get at night are Nature's."

"Why is yellow afraid of red? Because red blue green."

"I rang up a local builder and said, ""I want a skip outside my house."" He said, ""I'm not stopping you."" **Tim Vine**"

"All a woman wants is a strong, confident, capable man who will wear whichever shirt she tells him to."

"What do you call an atheist bone? A blasfemur."

"A scoliosis patient had given up hope of recovery.. But after the long and painful surgery, he took his first steps and humbly said ""I stand corrected""."