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Joke of the Day
"What food do vampires hate? Steaks."
Next Joke
"What did the Greek God say when he could finally take the world off his shoulders? At las!"
"whats that detective, the serial killer is in the mall? i'll hack into their security cameras real fast [types ""job openings"" into google]"
"ME: you don't look anything like your profile photo TINDER DATE: LOL no, that's my pug, Arthur *silence for 10mins* ME: is Arthur coming or"
"I asked a Brazil fan how many days in a week and he got angry"
"I want the job where you push scared skydivers off the plane."
"Jeopardy is petty. If you asked someone ""What is snow?"" No one would say: It's doubtful an Eskimo would have Chionophobia, a fear of this."
"I dropped my ice cream cone on the ground and it landed pointy end up which made the Earth, at least for a moment, one giant topping."
"How do you make a shortcut? With small scissors."
"Just locked eyes with a four year old boy while I violently choked on a piece of popcorn. He didn't look away. He would have watched me die."