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Joke of the Day

"Oscar Pistorius gets six years jail. Jail, then home detention, and back to jail. Wow, for someone with no legs he's covering a lot of ground."

"Everything Must Go? You should have had that attitude before going out of business."

"What do you get if you cross a plum with a man eating monster? A purple people eater."

"After sex I always get out my phone and order my wife a dozen roses. My girlfriend thinks I'm hilarious."

"I'm only tweeting this to keep myself from looking up from my phone and accidentally making eye contact with a stranger."

"What did the British gentlepimp say to his accountant bitch? Tally ho!"

"What's the most overused joke nowadays? Donald Trump"

"I, put commas, in, weird places, so that, you, read, my tweets, like William, Shatner."

"No one will ever be as excited as a dad that just drove somewhere in less time than the GPS said it would take."

"Why did Jesus quit playing ice hockey? He kept getting nailed to the boards."