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Joke of the Day

"According to my calorie intake, I just need to be on the treadmill for 3 years today."

"A friend of mine told me he gets terrible stage fright... ...I thought he was taking the piss but he really wasn't."

"I saw two really fat people today talking... Looked like a heavy discussion"

"My dog crosses her paws regally while lying on the floor, like she didn't just eat the contents of the bathroom trash can."

"Yo mamas so fat she walked in front of the tv and I missed 3 commercials."

"What stretches more skin or rubber? Skin, because in the bible it says that Moser tied his ass to a tree and walked 20 miles."

"I sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month on eBay."

"""Hello darkness my old friend."" Darkness: I'm not lending you any money."

"I found a tumor at Bingo last night. It's okay. It was B9."

"When I asked my girlfriend what car she was going to buy... She said, ""I don't know. I just want something that gets me from A to B."" She's so stupid. No car is going to increase her cup size."