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Joke of the Day

"Breaking news!? Shark sighting off Daytona shores. It's the ocean! That's where they live. I saw a bird in the sky. Report that too!"

"What do the twin towers and genders have in common? There used to be exactly two, and now it's too offensive to talk about."

"""Is that a car alarm going off? Someone must be trying to steal it I better call the police!"" - literally no one ever"

"A dyslexic arab walks into a bar ouch, says the other arab"

"Today I sent out a text saying, ""Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?"" 12 people called me...I need damn smarter friends."

"What do you get when you finger a gypsy on her period? Your palm red for free"

"My girlfriend told me I was a pedophile I told her, ""that's an awfully big word for a six year old""."

"My friend doesn't like being called Squidward. He told me, ""But I hate SpongeBob..."" I said, ""That's the spirit!"""

"Black people can be racist too It's just that white people are so much better at it."

"[interview] HIM: have u ever bribed anyone? ME: *pulls a package of OREO's from briefcase and slides across table* depends on who's asking"