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Joke of the Day

"Wife: What ARE you doing? Me: [pelvic thrusting around the kitchen] Gettin jiggy wit it what's it look like? W: Making the dog nervous."

"Just asked someone for their date of birth for a work insurance thing & it was 4/20/69 & I just went dead silent for at least 20 seconds"

"I have fond memories of the sausage factory. It was the best of times, it was the wurst of times."

"A nurse reaches into her pocket and finds a rectal thermometer... ""Ugh, some asshole has my pen"", she thought."

"""YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE?"" - guy that just got a new kite for his birthday"

"What do you call Dr Dre, Eazy-E, Ice Cube and MC Ren rapping on top of Mt. Everest? Niggas with Altitude."

"My boss just choked on a breath mint. It was a tough decision to do the Heimlich maneuver because he really needed that mint."

"Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes? He uses the best ingredients, you cruel bastards."

"You know how dolphins rape a lot? They do it on porpoise."

"What do you call a horny Catholic? A firm believer."