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Joke of the Day

"Today Mother phoned asked me what I was doing . I said I was on Google maps and looking at her house .She asked if I could see her waving ."

"There's a high proportion of people with ASD in scientific fields. Autism causes vaccines."

"In Maryland we can't legally carry concealed weapons so our best defense against being murdered is the zig-zag runaway."

"My girlfriend said that my dick Has resting bitch face :("

"Because they need to bring young people to the church, insiders say the front runner for Pope is Seth MacFarlane."

"How does a Muslim get a hot date? He puts it in the microwave. EDIT: Looks like you guys are real dim...."

"*Ghost snatches phone from me* ""Who you gonna call now?"""

"Herpes sounds like the name of a greek god"

"Wanna hear a really cheesy joke? Just a warning, it's not that gouda. (made that one up during a slow night at work)"

"New Coworker: So do you have any kids? Me: Yeah, one too many New Coworker: Haha, oh yeah? How many do you have? Me: One"