121990

Joke of the Day

"While making small talk with my wife's doctor I asked him what he does for a living because I am amazing at human interaction."

"Why does a montonegran man keep a chair next to his bed? So he can have a rest after he gets tired from waking up."

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather But not like the rest of this joke, getting beaten like a dead horse"

"The only way I want to see your ultrasound picture is if you're having a velociraptor."

"Name brands really are better. For instance, I just found out that the Tide pen works much better on stains than regular pens"

"*Makes typo* *Deletes tweet* *Deletes account* *Destroys computer* *Changes name* *Moves to Pakistan* *Opens a curry shop*"

"Things that are loud: Jet engines Dynamite Opening a bag of Sun Chips at a funeral Rock concerts"

"If I find out who stole my copy of MS office, I'll kill you... You have my Word!"

"How many Metropolitan Police does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They just beat the room for being black."

"'My boobs fall to the side when I lay down' is the new 'my boobs are real.'"