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Joke of the Day

"The human race won't go extinct when our blood turns into high fructose corn syrup Our demise will come when hummingbirds figure it out"

Next Joke
 
"Sorry I hacked your e-cig. You've actually been vaping a dead bird for a month."
"You guys hear about the pepper shaker that was attacked by the salt shaker? Apparently the salt shaker was arrested and charged with aggravated as-*salt*"
"I got my drug dealer arrested the other day Maybe next time you'll wish me happy birthday, mom"
"AT&T and T-Mobile are getting married! There will be no reception."
"So Batman is flying around metropolis looking for crime when... Superman walks up and is all like, ""hey motherfucker, what the fuck?"" Sorry, it's Halloween. ;)"
"""It's very expensive."" - Chipotle employee ""Look, I got money to spend in here."" - Julia Roberts Pretty Woman 2: Guacamole Costs Extra"
"The abortion train just arrived at the station. ALL ABORT! *choo choo*"
"What do you mean mom, how could my birth certificate be expired?"
"What did your mom's leg say to her other leg? Nothing; they've never met."