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Joke of the Day

"Billy Joel was hospitalized last week. He had a heart attack ack ack ack ack ack. You oughtta know by now."

"Girl, are you a parking ticket? Because I want to throw you aside and forget about you forever."

"I eat sunflower seeds because I like food but I absolutely love littering"

"Do you think bin men get training... ... Or do they just pick it up as they go along?"

"You know which presidential candidate in 2020 will have the hardest time? Tom Cotton. Having to tell black people to ""Pick Cotton!"" in 2020."

"Relationship status: I just found a piece of chicken in my hair. I ate it. Then looked for more."

"I was going to join the Preoccupy New York protests... but I have better things to do."

"It's not love until you don't want them to have a good time without you."

"""We don't serve faster than light neutrinos here."" A neutrino walks into a bar."

"Chuck Norris' sperm can penetrate 13 condoms, the birth control pill, a brick wall, and the 1975 Pittsburgh Steelers offensive line in order to impregnate a woman."