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Joke of the Day

"It was a rude awakening when I woke up and realized all my favorite porn stars were at least 4 years younger than me. Turning 16 sucked. =/"

"Him: You're a DJ? I'm not one for dancing. I've got this leg, you see? I've had it since the war. Me: How long have you had the other one?"

"What is springy and springy? the Easter Bunny"

"What did the buffalo say to his son on the first day of school? He waves and says Bi son"

"Why did the Portuguese guy take Xanax? Hispanic attacks."

"What's the recommended age to teach your child that Google has every answer to their homework?"

"What's the difference between spit and swallow? A firm grip on the back of her head."

"The IRA have been fighting for Irish reunification since the 70s. . . All they needed to do was vote for the Conservatives."

"I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night."

"Old Aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, ""You're next."" They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals."