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Joke of the Day

"I'm like Harvard. Hard to get into, but once you're in, everyone is super impressed."

"I keep getting a pain when driving where the road goes under the river, but only when I have other people in the car. The doctor says it's car pool tunnel syndrome."

"I just had my ass blasted.. It was an explosive diarrhea."

"#ReplaceBandNamesWithChicken Chicken (Weezer), Chicken (Rush), Chicken (Journey), Chicken (Kansas), Chicken (Radiohead), Chicken (Hole), Chi"

"How is 'crazy' like a freshly baked pie? You have to let it cool off before you put your dick in it."

"A pirate walks into a bar... A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, ""Hey, you know you have a steering wheel between you legs right?"" The pirate replies, ""Arrrr, Matey! It drives me nuts!"""

"Maybe I'm the good kind of fat like an avocado."

"Life would be so much easier if it had an unfollow button."

"I became a bisexual when I got married. I get sex twice a year whether I want it or not."

"I'm going to subtly spread my brownie crums across your car because I silently resent you for changing the song."