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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between the Circus and the Playboy Mansion? The Circus features a cunning array of stunts."

"How to solve issues with life expectancy The doctor has given me four months to live. I shot the doctor, The judge gave me 20 years. Problem solved"

"Whenever I get out of an Uber I imagine cameras spinning around me and my shirt blowing up in slo-mo like I'm in a Michael Bay movie."

"Apple's CEO Tim Cook has announced he is gay. Samsung's CEO is expected to announce tomorrow he is waaay gayer."

"Obama: Dave, it's Barack, we have an updog situation at the white house. Cameron: What's updog? *Obama high fives entire oval Office*"

"I can't spell armugedon... But it's not the end of the world."

"What did the physicist say to the suicidal guy on the bridge? Don't do it! You have potential!"

"""I'll sleep when I'm dead."" - People who don't understand sleep. Or death. Or expressing themselves without the use of cliches."

"Why did Snake walk into the bar? Because he wears an eyepatch and has poor depth perception."

"Q: Where would an eccentric beverage go if it wanted to watch married couples fight and read high quality humor columns? A: To the Drink Quirks Wed Fight."