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Joke of the Day

"Six words that strike fear in the hearts of parents everywhere: You've been volunteered as a chaperone"

"What did Hitler call his recliner? Mein Kampf-y Chair."

"MySpace got old. Facebook got old. Now Twitter is getting old. What next? Damn. I guess we'll have talk to people in real life."

"My daughter always said she wanted to see her name up in lights... You should've seen the smile on her face when she turned to look at me and say: ""Daddy, what's an 'Amber Alert'?"""

"Could you kill a monster just by throwing eggs at him? Of course - he'd be eggs-terminated."

"Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account."

"I likes my liver like I likes my Twitter. Over capacity."

"Why doesn't Sherlock Holmes pay any income tax? Because he makes so many brilliant deductions."

"Q: Why do hens lay eggs? A: If they dropped them they'd break"

"It's sad old people won't live to see time travel, because how bad do they want to find the jerk who carpeted over this beautiful hardwood?"