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Joke of the Day

"What do you call the occasionally toxic, organic substances that accumulate over the years in a hoarder's house? Horticulture."

"I paid My 11 old $10 to do the dishes, so on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson."

"People who talk with your phone on speaker like it's a Star Trek Communicator - we're trying to have a society here. And everyone hates you."

"Apparently they're making a Middle Eastern version of 'The Flintstones'... ...and while Dubai doesn't like it, Abu Dhabi do."

"""He sure seems like a nice young man"" is Grandma-speak for ""I'd totally hit that."""

"I just met the girl of my dreams She flew into class naked and her teeth fell out."

"Boss makes a dollar, I make a nickel. I'd prob'ly make more if I tickled his pickle."

"What do you call a riot in Baltimore? Target practice."

"*Aquarium GUIDE: Octopuses are sensitive to camera flash so please turn off...ma'am don't flash the octopus ME: [pulls shirt back down] ok"

"Jackpot is like regular pot, but with a questionable added ingredient..."