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Joke of the Day

"I named my dick ""the fear of god"" now when my parents ask what im doing with my girlfriend i tell them im putting the fear of god in her"

"Most people have 32 teeth, some have 10... It's simple meth."

"One zebra says to the other, ""I'm going to check out that patch of nice green grass over there . . . . . . I'll be white black."""

"I think I owe my vibrator a Valentines Day card."

"The best part of the birthday notifier on Facebook is, I meet people that I didn't even know were on my friends list."

"You guys wanna hear a joke? Ellen Pao"

"Will I ever be a good parent? *shakes baby* Wait a minute, if you're here [cut to Magic 8-Ball in crib]"

"10 Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed... ...One fell off and snapped his neck. Mama called the doctor and the doctor said: ""It's no use, this monkey is dead!"""

"How does Jerry Seinfeld play ice hockey? With his Shtick."

"My dad just told me I should ""stop wasting my life and do something meaningful"" Dad jokes, am I right?"