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Joke of the Day

"I'm so bad with directions that every time I try to go to Pound Town I end up in the Friend Zone."

"I recently switched over to cinnamon flavored toothpaste so when I do brush my teeth, I can't tell how much my gums are bleeding."

"So, I bought a wok to cook healthy food and I have to say, these french fries don't taste any different."

"What has four legs, feathers, and can fly? Two birds"

"Detective: how were u able to do it? Serial Killer: thanks to the flexibility of Uber. I was able to work my own hours and still murder"

"I'm just a naked guy in an elm tree noticing the creepy way you stare at me through your bathroom window."

"Don't worry if you found yourself alone on Valentines Day...its not the end of the World...that's still 10 months away."

"Q: Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? A: He wanted to win the No Bell Prize."

"Blind guy: I love this half-sandwich restaurant. Me: What do you mean? This place only serves whole- Service dog: *puts a paw on my lips*"

"I killed someone with kindness today. Blood EVERYWHERE."