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Joke of the Day

"Ex-homeless man with ""golden voice"" announced he's running for president... Marking the first time Donald Trump has hated anything golden."

"ME: Hi, come get me. This house is weird and someone is snoring. MOM: Honey, for the last time you're not at a sleepover. You're married."

"Did you hear about the computer that ate an entire hamburger in one go? It was a megabyte."

"So I went to an abstinence conference the other day... All we did was wait"

"Addicted to pills? Don't worry. They have a pill for that."

"We've secretly replaced the G with a K on this bottle of Jergens. Let's see if he notices."

"Cop: Do you know how fast you were going, ma'am? Me: I left my pills in my other bag & I'm about to get REALLY chatty. C: You're free to go."

"Hi Mrs. Smith ... can Johnny come out and play baseball with us? Oh you mean little boy ... you know Johnny is a quadraplegic ! Yes I know Mrs. Smith. We want to use him for home plate !"

"What do blacks and apples have in common? If they're not being sold on a farm they're hanging from a tree. Da ho, no I didnt."

"What did the guitars do when they were unhappy with their government? Formed a coustic d'etat"