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Joke of the Day

"The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence."

"WIFE: [handing me crying baby] will u please change him ME: ok [drives to hospital] ME: hi yes my baby is crying can i get a new one"

"A redhead gets a job He is now a baker, probably a gingerbread man."

"What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a buck ninety-nine, but deer nuts are always under a buck"

"This kid is walking down the street. This kid is walking down the street with just a shoe on. He meets a friend who asks him: ""What happened? Have you lost a shoe?"" ""No, I found one."""

"[interview] Your resume says you have a ""take no prisoners attitude"". You know you are applying to be a corrections officer, right?"

"Why did the hipster drown in the lake? Because he went ice skating before it was cool."

"I got arrested today I got arrest today, apparently you aren't allowed to do doughnuts within 200ft of a school zone... the frosting worked as great lubricant though"

"I hate it when people ask me what I'll be doing in 5 years. C'mon guys, I don't have 2020 vision."

"Crouching tiger, public toilet seat."