120971

Joke of the Day

"""When I hand-write an entire page it looks like I've had a stroke by paragraph two."""

"Women with horses are rich versions of cat ladies."

"If you have to do more than 3 takes when taking a picture of yourself, it's not the angle or the lighting. It's you. You're ugly."

"I don't trust stairs... They're always up to something"

"Nothing like an old high school crush finding you & friending you on Facebook because he needs cows or some shit for Farmville."

"What is the difference between a corvette and a blowjob? Your mom never gave me a corvette."

"What is the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster who got breast implants? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean."

"How to have an unforgettable date? 1. Have a date. 2. Try not to forget it."

"Girl: What do you like to do in your free time? Guy: I spy on people. Girl: Really? I like to take long walks in the park and go to the movies with my friends. Guy: I know."

"Why are black people so tall? Because their knee grows."