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Joke of the Day

"I have decided to write all my jokes in capitals from now on. This one was written in London."

"Wanna hear me read a receipt from a trip to the grocery store? That's how interested I am in listening to the details of your workout."

"Forgive me father for I have sinned, last week I hissed at 47 people because I like to pretend I'm a mean cat"

"Your mother's vagina"

"MISSING: Black and white cat with red collar. Very intelligent. Mittens, if you're reading this, please come home."

"Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it."

"Pulled this one on my son today. Son: Dad, today is palm Sunday. Me (Dad): Gimme some palm. *receives high five* Son: *not entertained*"

"The ""eye for an eye"" philosophy isn't exactly a level playing field if your grievance is with a cyclops."

"What's the difference between a Harley Davidson and a vacuum cleaner? Placement of the dirt bag."

"What dog can jump higher than a building? Anydog, buildings can't jump!"