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Joke of the Day

"A person followed me and then unfollowed me within 3 minutes. How can they judge me after only seeing 47 tweets?"

"New Subway rule: You must give the person in front of you a wedgie if they take more than 5 seconds to choose what kind of bread they want."

"Why did Microsoft skip Windows 9? Because Seven Eight Nine!"

"I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth My parents were into some kinky shit"

"How does your stomach know to send the burps to the mouth and the farts to your bum?"

"A Japanese company upset Americans by selling clothes labeled Skinny, Fat and Jumbo. They have since changed them to Large, Extra Large and American."

"""Bill, I'm beginning to think my wife might be cheating on me..."" ""What makes you say that, Tim?"" ""Well, you're standing naked in my closet..."""

"Who can suck off every man on earth? A black hoe."

"You know what we call comedy gold in the chemistry world? Ha2Au (I'm sorry, also the 2 should be sub-scripted but reddit wouldn't let me do that)"

"What's a wavelength's favorite animal? A lamb, duh!"