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Joke of the Day

"Every morning when the alarm goes off, I wake up & say ""it's time to chase my dreams!"" & then I press the snooze button & go back to sleep."

Next Joke
 
"Man has sex with a can of beans. He was porkin' beans."
"Well why on Earth do you want to know?!?!! Do defensive time travellers exist?"
"I run a nonprofit organization that helps keep homeless substance abusers warm during harsh winters. It's called Snuggies for Druggies"
"Why are sloths one of the 7 deadly sins? Those little guys don't hurt anybody. They just chill all day."
"I'm sorry I punched you when you said ""Facebook me"". I thought you said ""Face punch me""."
"Mom, is this skirt too short? Yes. Your balls are showing, Robert."
"""FOILED AGAIN!"" --Leftovers"
"Two old ladies, sat in a cafe eating a teacake. First one says, ""did you come on the bus?"" Second one replies, ""yeah, but I made it out to look like an epileptic fit""."
"Could not decide how much lettuce to buy, until I got a second opinion two heads are better than one."