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Joke of the Day

"[speaking at funeral] Deceased's brother: there's no words to describe the anguish we all feel right now Me: what about 'anguish'?"

"""Hello Mr. Ress, how have you been?"" asked the psychologist. ""I feel as though people use me as something to fall back on."" he replied. ""And why do you think that is, Matt?"""

"So apparently a gorilla got shot at the zoo for grabbing a kid that had wandered into its enclosure.. And social media went apeshit."

"What do you call the operation a woman gets to become a man? Addadicktome"

"On The Walking Dead, Glenn said ""I will find you."" I guess he's gonna keep an eye out for her."

"So last year I dressed up as a bop it for Halloween... I should've known I'd end up in jail"

"I may seem confident on the outside but deep down on the inside I remember every time I've accidentally leaned on a light switch."

"I used to live on the 13th floor but have just moved up to the 14th floor But that's another storey."

"Whats pink and smells awful? Your mums cunt lol"

"My brother's got a degree in wheel-making. Only 359 more to go."