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Joke of the Day

"I'm not saying it would kill me to work out, I'm just saying my wife bought me a gym membership and doubled my life insurance..."

"Browser joke What do we want? Chrome/Firefox: Faster internet! When do we want it? Internet explorer: Faster internet!"

"Why don't witches wear panties? Because they need to grip the broom!"

"2 Goldfish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks ""Do you know how to drive this thing?"""

"Where can you find an asexual person? You can't. They ain't fuckin' anywhere."

"[interview] Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years? Me: ""OMG I'M NOT A PSYCHIC THE SIGN SAID NO SKILLS REQUIRED!"""

"[On The Cross] Jesus:""Father, forgive them, fore they know no-"" Voice from the crowd:""DO THE WINE TRICK"""

"How does a Scotsman find a sheep in the tall grass? Very satisfying. Retweaked joke: How does a (insert nationality here) find a sheep in the tall grass? Very (insert extremely lustful emotion here)!"

"You know, my dream for gaming is where in one game you'll shoot someone and then during a game of say Fifa you'll see their son crying"

"What does Ivanka call her lower back tattoo? A Trump stamp."