12050
Joke of the Day
"Why did the mushroom get invited to the party? Because he was a fungi"
Next Joke
"What do cannibals on a budget eat? Ramen. (Sound it out.)"
"Toilets that automatically flush before I'm done make me feel like every relationship I've ever been in."
"Tiger Woods: He puts the semen in product endorsements. And women. I mean he used to. Crap, can I start over? I've almost got this."
"Subway's Jared Fogle sentenced to 15.6 years... Where his diet will be regulated to just 6 inchers."
"""dad, what does extravagant mean?"" idk son. why don't you ... [i turn to my wife using $100 bills to light the fireplace] ask your mother"
"*barber hands me the mirror to check the back* ""Looks good!"" I lie, after a few seconds of being unable to get the mirror to angle properly"
"What has 9 arms and still sucks? Def Leppard"
"Question AND Answar Q: Why is air a lot like sex? A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any."
"I'm so incapable of accepting a compliment that I've started just flat out refusing them. Them: You look lovely today. Me: No thank you."