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Joke of the Day

"Boy: What's the biggest ant in the world? Girl: My Aunt Boy: No it's an elephant. Girl: You obviously haven't met my Aunt"

"Boredom is the leading cause of pregnancy. Unless you're on Twitter 24/7. Then it becomes the leading form of birth control."

"Dead babies and rocks What is the difference between a dead baby and a rock? You can't Fuck a rock"

"Always take one positive friend & one negative friend on road trips. Then if your battery dies, you can hook cables to them & start your car"

"[doctors exam] ""I'm feeling a lump here. Here's another. You have several lumps."" -uh oh, what does that mean doc? ""it means you're fat"""

"Whats all of this fuss about reposts? I haven't seem any all year! (It's 12:00 NZST)"

"I like my coffee like I like my men. Sweet and delicious and makes me feel awesome at first but then I feel like shit and end up sitting on the toilet regretting my life choices."

"Jihad balloons are my favorite They blow themselves up"

"Every fifteen minutes, a teenager crashes his car due to texting and driving. I hope he gives up, because he's obviously not good at it."

"I clicked on an ad for horny single women in my area and got a virus... It was chlamydia."