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Joke of the Day

"On their death beds, I bet a lot of bad guys wish they would have turned around and watched more explosions."

"Don't hate on Americans for not learning a foreign language. Hate on Americans for not learning English."

"why didn't the clothing drive at the homeless shelter not work out? ..nobody gave a shirt."

"I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals.. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants."

"Some people say I am crazy Lucky for me, only I can hear them"

"The obvious way to smuggle drugs past a drug sniffing dog would be to hide it in another dog's ass."

"My mom once told me.... ....the only way I'll ever get laid is if I crawl up a chicken's ass and wait."

"I tried to do an intense workout that involved 500 sit ups per day But my body couldn't take the ab use"

"What did the monkey say when he was throwing his feces? This shit is bananas!"

"*notices zipper is down* OMG! *zips it up* FRIEND: Thanks but next time just tell me and I'll do it myself"