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Joke of the Day

"How many Freudian slips does it take to change a light bulb? Two! One to hold the bulb, the other to hold the cock, uh, penis, I mean, uh, ladder."

"Are you waiting for my comeback? You can scrape it off your mom's teeth"

"1) Jumped out of bed 2) Cooked breakfast 3) Ran 6 miles 4) Worked out 5) Started lying compulsively"

"*mops up wine with cat*"

"Valentine's Day card idea: I'm like good sushi... You can eat me raw. Happy Valentine's Day!"

"Guy on this bus just congratulated his friend for having a birthday. Indeed, congratulations are in order for this unique accomplishment"

"What do the Irish hate more than potatoes? No potatoes."

"I went to the local library And found out that the post apocalyptic section has been shifted to current affairs after the us elections 2016"

"My friends and I are camping out tonight. It's gonna be in tents."

"Two blondes walk into a building... you'd think at least one of them would have seen it."